Holding the vision
It took three years of waiting for our first baby. We were approved and ready to be matched with potential birth families on the day before Thanksgiving, 2017. Throughout the next three years, we had many almost matches and lots of ups and downs.
We started the journey full of optimism and hope. The first year, we were attached to our phones and emails, checking constantly for calls or notices of a baby. We started collecting hand me downs from friends and wondered if we should have formula and bottles ready, just in case.
The second year was full of calls and emails from our adoption agency. There were lots of potential matches during this time, which was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it gave us hope that our profile was being seen and that birth families were interested in us. On the other hand, it was a cycle of hope and disappointment, which ultimately felt exhausting and demoralizing.
In the third year, we started to feel hopeless. I remember having a conversation with our social worker about whether to continue. E and I even talked about what our marriage and plans would look like if we didn’t have children.
But the thing is…that wasn’t our vision. Our vision was to be a family that included children. Our vision was to be parents. Our vision was a marriage and a future that was family-oriented.
Our vision was what led us to adoption. It’s what led us to each other, in many ways. It’s what led us to those three long years of waiting. A few times, we were presented with situations with birth families or children that did not fit our vision and as difficult as it was to say no (when all we wanted was a child!), we knew that it wasn’t right. Our vision was very clear.
AND it’s what ultimately brought us our daughters. When we got the call about our daughter, exactly three years later on the day before Thanksgiving, 2020, and we raced to the hospital to meet her, it all made sense. We understood then why we had waited - we were waiting for her. We were always meant to be together and we stepped into our vision as our real life.
It is vital that you have clarity on your vision of your family. What does it look like? What does it feel like? This vision keeps you steady and grounded while you take what can sometimes be a circuitous path to growing your family. It gives you clarity when you are confronted with difficult decisions. And fundamentally, it leads you to that moment when your vision becomes your reality.
